i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
