This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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