I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize