remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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