First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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