Apparently you make a good broom.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
