i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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