How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Randomize
