i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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