Your mouth is God's brothel.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
