i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
