I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
