Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
