After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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