I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize