Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
