I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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