turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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