my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
