Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
