You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize