i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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