i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I won the penis lottery.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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