Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
