I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
