you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
