dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
