Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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