three words: i give head
three words: not that well
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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