I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
