One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
