Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize