I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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