summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sext me about skeletons
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize