I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
