I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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