What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
