Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
