i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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