have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
