You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
