If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
