She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
