Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
