My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
