After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
