Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
