you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You took a bar mat shot.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
