you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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