When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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