I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
