Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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