he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
