well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
