I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
