Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
