Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
