just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
