either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize