God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
