I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
