i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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