Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize