Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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