Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
