he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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