Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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