my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize