Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
