I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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