3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
