I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
