so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
